I have had a hard time gearing up to write this post but I think I am now ready. Unfortunately, I miscarried on the 3rd. We went to the doctors for our 12 week visit, our first ultrasound, and to hear the baby's heartbeat. When the ultrasound was preformed my uterus was empty. No baby. My doctor was slightly concerned and I had told him that I had not bled or cramped at all. So he sent us over to the hospital to get another ultrasound done and he wanted a radiologist look at it. Once back to my doctors, we found out that the radiologist had found the gestational sac. I asked the doctor how old the baby had gotten. He thought I may have "miscarried" back at 5 or 6 weeks! I had my 8 week appointment where we had the full OB blood panel and all looked normal. We asked the doctor why all the blood work would come back normal if I had miscarried. He told us that sometimes it takes awhile for the body to go back to normal, and because of the progesterone supplements I have been taking; my body continued thinking and acting like it was pregnant. Therefore it never got rid of the gestational sac.
It was a complete an utter shock. We were not prepared for that news. We knew that I may have a hard time keeping the baby when I first got pregnant so for the first few weeks they did lots of blood work to make sure all my hormone levels were where they needed to be. Once we got all positive results we thought that we may be ok and that I wouldn't miscarry. That was the hardest part; we were not ready to see nothing. Because we have had some difficulty getting pregnant and we were not quite sure how we got pregnant in the first place, we anxiously asked the doctor what the next step was going to be so I could become pregnant again. He told us that we needed to get through the miscarriage first and that we would make a game plan in 2 weeks (which is this coming Wednesday). Since I had not miscarried yet, the doctor gave me some medication to help me get rid of everything. Let’s just say that I will ask for prescription medication next time. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. I was told that miscarrying can be a lot like being in labor and so I am grateful for the option to have an epidural when I am in labor one day.
There had been a lot of good come from this and there is a lot to be thankful for. We are thankful to know that I am able to get pregnant and that has been huge for us considering we didn’t know how we got pregnant in the first place! The Lord has been by our side through this whole thing and that is what gets us through each day. We are so grateful for family and friends who love and support us. All your prayers have been greatly appreciated and felt. We know that our time will come to begin our family and we just need to be patient. Needless to say it doesn't stop hurting instantly. It has been a very hard 2 weeks emotionally. Michael said something to me the other day that really hit me. He had said that the saying "you don't know what you have till you lose it" truly means something now. We didn't realize how attached we were already to this little one and how excited we were till it wasn't there. We are ready to hop back on the band wagon and to start trying again once we get the okay from the doctor.
Wow, I said a lot more than I expected, sorry! Last, I have to say that I could not have done it without Michael by my side. He is my angel and my strength. I thank my Father above each and every day for sending Michael to me. He is my best friend and he stands beside me through everything, I am so lucky to have a husband who loves me the way he does. It may be a long and hard road but we are willing to take it if the destination is parenthood, it will be well worth the trip!
We love you all and wish you a very Merry Christmas! Enjoy the holidays!
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